Who Shall I Blame?
March 10th 2007 23:29
Blaming others, I suspect, is a part of our human developmental learning curve. The more dependent on others, the more likely to blame others for our circumstance if said circumstance is deemed unpleasant. Am I to blame, for instance, if as an infant one of the fleshy breasts that I use for food is not available when I am hungry? If at that point I had a capacity to feel separate from my breast-source, I would likely indicate through my primitive and inarticulate actions that the carrier of the breasts is responsible for this breach.
As we do develop into some degree of separateness our capacity for abstract thought and self-responsibility often lags. Not enough ‘real life’ lessons and hard knocks to shed some light on the ultimate likelihood that each of us is responsible for most of what takes place in the form of what we call our lives.
Actually, then, the question becomes not so much about whether or not we have all been caught up in the ‘blame game’. Rather, it becomes more about WHEN we were able to move from externalized blame to internalized self acceptance and personal responsibility.
I have done my fair share of blaming, and became aware of how unproductive it was when my blaming merged into a motive for revenge. Is not avenging that which is wrong the stuff of the super hero? Hell, I can be down with being a super hero. Except all the blaming was doing was distracting myself from where the focus truly belonged: ME.
I recently heard that revenge is really nothing more than a lazy way to (mis)-manage grief. Might I add a naïve and unproductive way, as well? Revenge, then, fit quite well into my scheme of blaming and externalizing responsibility and accountability.
Luckily, and thankfully, I became so toxic and potentially destructive in my pain and loss and grief and NEED TO EXTERNALIZE/BLAME that it became obvious to me that something was quite amiss. After serious and significant reflection, and the space that time can create, I have moved beyond a default blaming position. I am now able to take a close look at nearly all circumstances and evaluate just what part my attitude and actions plays in the creation or maintaining of unpleasantness.
Phew.
What part does blame play in your life?
deorre
As we do develop into some degree of separateness our capacity for abstract thought and self-responsibility often lags. Not enough ‘real life’ lessons and hard knocks to shed some light on the ultimate likelihood that each of us is responsible for most of what takes place in the form of what we call our lives.
Actually, then, the question becomes not so much about whether or not we have all been caught up in the ‘blame game’. Rather, it becomes more about WHEN we were able to move from externalized blame to internalized self acceptance and personal responsibility.
I have done my fair share of blaming, and became aware of how unproductive it was when my blaming merged into a motive for revenge. Is not avenging that which is wrong the stuff of the super hero? Hell, I can be down with being a super hero. Except all the blaming was doing was distracting myself from where the focus truly belonged: ME.
I recently heard that revenge is really nothing more than a lazy way to (mis)-manage grief. Might I add a naïve and unproductive way, as well? Revenge, then, fit quite well into my scheme of blaming and externalizing responsibility and accountability.
Luckily, and thankfully, I became so toxic and potentially destructive in my pain and loss and grief and NEED TO EXTERNALIZE/BLAME that it became obvious to me that something was quite amiss. After serious and significant reflection, and the space that time can create, I have moved beyond a default blaming position. I am now able to take a close look at nearly all circumstances and evaluate just what part my attitude and actions plays in the creation or maintaining of unpleasantness.
Phew.
What part does blame play in your life?
deorre
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Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
great post Deorre.
Comment by Deorre
Stress Alive
Man Lessons